Making child arrangements work at Christmas

For many parents, the idea of their child waking up with them on Christmas morning feels incredibly important. It’s one of those moments people imagine when they think about family life.

For separated parents, however, the festive period can bring added pressure even where arrangements usually work well. Changes to routine, family expectations and heightened emotions can make disagreements more likely, often at a time when everyone wants things to feel calm and special for children.

If you’re struggling to agree child contact arrangements over Christmas or the New Year, there are steps you can take to reduce conflict and protect your child’s wellbeing.

Plan festive child arrangements early

One of the most common reasons disputes arise over Christmas contact is that plans are made too late or assumptions are made without agreement.

Parents may have already:

• booked time away
• arranged family visits
• made promises to children
• assumed Christmas Day will be spent together

Discussing arrangements well in advance can prevent misunderstandings and help avoid last-minute conflict.

There is no single “right” way to manage Christmas contact. What works will depend on factors such as:

• the child’s age and preferences
• how far apart parents live
• existing routines
• whether one or both parents have new families
• practical considerations such as space and travel

Some families alternate Christmas Day each year, while others split the holiday period or make informal arrangements that suit everyone involved.

Try mediation if agreement can’t be reached

If discussions become difficult, mediation can be a helpful next step. A trained, independent mediator can support both parents in working towards a practical and child-focused agreement.

Mediation can:

• help keep communication calm and constructive
• be quicker and less expensive than court
• reduce the impact of conflict on children
• preserve a working relationship between parents

Mediation isn’t suitable in every situation particularly where there has been domestic abuse, but where appropriate, it can be very effective in resolving festive contact disputes.

Child Arrangements Orders and Christmas contact

A Child Arrangements Order (CAO) sets out where a child lives and who they spend time with, including when and how contact takes place.

If you already have a CAO, it’s important to check:

• whether it includes specific Christmas or holiday arrangements
• whether contact alternates each year
• whether festive arrangements are left open

Some parents choose to include detailed holiday arrangements within a CAO to avoid uncertainty. Others prefer flexibility, particularly where communication is generally good and arrangements can be agreed informally each year.

If there is no agreement or if arrangements repeatedly break down it may be possible to apply to the court for a new CAO or to vary an existing one. Before doing so, the court will usually expect parents to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) to explore whether mediation could resolve the issue first.

What happens if a Child Arrangements Order (CAO) is breached?

If a CAO includes festive contact arrangements and one parent does not comply, they may be considered to be in breach of the order.

The court has powers to enforce a CAO and, in some cases, may:

• require attendance at a Separated Parents Information Programme
• impose a fine
• order compensation for financial loss
• require unpaid community work
• in very serious cases, consider custody

The court may also decide to change the arrangements in favour of the other parent.

It’s important to keep records of any missed contact or communication issues, such as messages or emails. Breaches of a CAO are not usually dealt with by the police and are instead addressed through the family court.

Keeping children at the centre of decisions

Disagreements about Christmas contact are often emotionally charged. While that’s understandable, children benefit most from stability, reassurance and calm decision-making.

Where possible:

• focus on what will feel safest and least stressful for your child
• avoid involving children in disputes
• try to resolve issues early rather than at the last minute

Court proceedings can be slow and outcomes are not always predictable. For that reason, agreement, whether directly or with support, is usually preferable where it can be achieved safely.

Here to help

Festive child contact disputes are rarely about Christmas alone they often reflect wider communication difficulties. With early planning, support and a child-focused approach, many disagreements can be resolved without escalation.

If you’re unsure of your position or worried about arrangements breaking down, confidential legal advice can help you understand your options and take the next step with clarity. We're here to provide support through what can be an extremely tricky time - please call us on 0300 373 2424.